


Quadromania

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29388237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Starsky goes undercover as a cab driver to catch a serial killer who is targeting cabbies.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Quadromania


    QUADROMANIA
    
    Season 3, Episode 22
    
    Original Airdate: May 10, 1978
    
    Written by: Anthony Yerkovich
    Story Editor: Rick Edelstein
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Rick Edelstein
    

Summary: Starsky goes undercover as a cab driver to catch a serial killer who is targeting cabbies.

Cast:

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Richard Lynch ... Lionel Fitzgerald II

John McLiam ... Lionel 'Gramps' Fitzgerald Sr

Philip Michael Thomas ... Kingston St. Jacques

Lynne Marta ... K.C. McBride

Susan Kellermann ... Monique (as Susan Kellerman)

Freeman King ... Danny Deveen

Ric Carrott ... Officer Baker

Jerome Guardino ... M.E. Carboni

Bob Basso ... Joseph 'Joe' Riley Benson

  
  

    
    
    **Exterior - Night - City Street**
    
    CABBIE: Hey, mister, you need a cab?
    
    FITZGERALD: Good evening.
    
    CUSTOMER: I swear, baby, you are a sight for a working girl's eyes. Come on, shake it, baby. I got promises to keep. Hey.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Street**
    
    STARSKY: Be nice.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, what's the story, Baker?
    
    BAKER: Well, the deceased is one Victor O'Connor, age 38, 5 feet 11 inches, 160 pounds, born in Trenton, been driving for Metro for--
    
    STARSKY: What are you writing, his biography?
    
    HUTCH: Why don't you just tell us what happened, huh?
    
    BAKER: It's the same as the others. Whoever killed him took all the money. That girl over there found him.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, um, you take the dead body. I'll take the one that's breathing.
    
    HUTCH: Naturally. 
    
    STARSKY: Sorry.
    
    HUTCH: What's the diagnosis, Carboni?
    
    CARBONI: Lights out about an hour or two ago. Strangulation. The guy must have a grip like a set of bolt cutters.
    
    HUTCH: What do you mean?
    
    CARBONI: Well, it's just like the other two. You're gonna have to forgive me, Carboni. 
    
    HUTCH: We're new on this case. What are you talking about? 
    
    CARBONI: It's the third cabbie in the past two weeks.
    
    HUTCH: Same M.O., huh?
    
    CARBONI: Crushed trachea as well as vertebrae. And from the imprints on the throat, it seems like he did it with one hand.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks.
    
    STARSKY: Did you get a good look at him?
    
    CUSTOMER: Come on, honey. I already been through all that with Buster Brown over there.
    
    STARSKY: How is business lately?
    
    CUSTOMER: Okay, Coach. He was sporting one of those close-cut Vandykes, and he had a set of fancy evening threads. You know, a hat, cane and a funeral coat. And he walked with a limp.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah?
    
    CUSTOMER: Yeah, you know, like that José Ferrer in that old late movie. You know, the one about the gimpy French painter.
    
    STARSKY: The Toulouse-Lautrec Story?
    
    CUSTOMER: I call it as I see it, darling.
    
    STARSKY: I wanna go home. You got anything yet?
    
    HUTCH: Looks like a robbery. It must have been the passenger. There's still a fare on the meter.
    
    BAKER: A buck-eighty. So wherever they picked up this wacko must have been pretty close, huh?
    
    HUTCH: You're gonna make a detective yet, Baker.
    
    STARSKY: Don't forget the exhaust pipe.
    
    BAKER: The exhaust pipe?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: Toulouse-Lautrec?
    
    STARSKY: Don't blame the messenger for the message, Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Look, there's been three murders in 10 days, and all you clowns can come up with is some clown from the late show.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, I don't even know why you're coming down on us. It's not even our case.
    
    DOBEY: Well, it is now! I'm taking Henderson off and putting you two on it. And I don't wanna see you breathing easy until these nuts are off the street.
    
    HUTCH: You're talking about "nut" as in singular, aren't you?
    
    DOBEY: I'm talking about "nuts," as I said, in the plural. Would you send Yvonne in with the sketches, please?
    
    HUTCH: Captain, the M.O.'s are identical in all three cases. It's gotta be the same guy.
    
    DOBEY: Continue reading.
    
    HUTCH: All three are robbery and strangulation. All three are the same time of the morning. The guy even hit the same cab company three times.
    
    DOBEY: Now try matching the descriptions with the suspects. Thank you, Yvonne. The suspect in the first murder was described as a 60-year-old skid row cripple.
    
    STARSKY: What about the second one?
    
    HUTCH: Long-haired, Caucasian, medium build, 20 to 25.
    
    DOBEY: And for the third murder, you come up with a description of Toulouse-Lautrec and talking about matching M.O.'s.
    
    STARSKY: You think there were three different ones?
    
    HUTCH: They all belong to the same one-armed strangulation club.
    
    DOBEY: What do you mean by that, Hutchinson?
    
    HUTCH: What does it mean? I'll tell you what it means, Captain. It means there's some guy out there with some freak who loves a masquerade.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    FITZGERALD: Ah! Good morning, Gramps.
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, Lionel. What a tasty hour to be traipsing in.
    
    FITZGERALD: Oh, Gramps, you know how those opening night parties are.
    
    GRAMPS: Why, you're almost as bad as your father. And you know how the women and liquor killed him in the en... Ah. And now, would you mind returning the bishop to Q3? I may be blind but I'm still in the ballgame.
    
    FITZGERALD: You sure are, Gramps.
    
    GRAMPS: Now, don't be bashful, Lionel. Tell me about your performance.
    
    FITZGERALD: Oh, Gramps. Gramps, it was splendid. Why, listen to this: "Lionel Fitzgerald. third generation of the famed theatrical family...
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, and I thought they'd forgotten us.
    
    FITZGERALD: "...gave us a Macbeth last night that shall live for a long, long time in this reviewer's memory... demonstrating brilliantly the acting genius synonymous with the name Fitzgerald."
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, bravo. Bravo, Lionel. Oh, you surely must have been something to see.
    
    FITZGERALD: Yes, Gramps. You would have been proud of me.
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, most certainly. But now you'd best get to bed and get yourself some good sleep. I suppose you have another big night ahead of you.
    
    FITZGERALD: Yes. Another big night.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Metro Cab Co.**
    
    HUTCH: Is the manager in?
    
    CABBIE: Uh, talk to the Jamaican... if you can get a word in edgewise.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Metro Cab Co.**
    
    ST.JACQUES: (on phone) It's bad, it's fab. it's Metro Cab! Okay, ofay, your coach is on its way. )end) (on microphone) This is Rockin' St. Jacques, that voodoo doc, with a call from the Hilton at 3 o'clock.
    
    CABBIE: Hey, number six needs some money. 
    
    ST.JACQUES: Then go for it, honey! And while you cruise, let's dig some blues. (end) (sings) Ow! Papa's got a brand new bag. Whoo!
    
    HUTCH: Are you, um, Jamaican?
    
    ST.JACQUES: No. I'm a Swede with lead poisoning. (on phone) Hello. Save the Whale Foundation. Cheese and anchovies? Baby, the only thing that I bake is licorice pizza. (end) Now does this look like a pasta joint to you?
    
    HUTCH: No, but I-I... I'd like to talk to you, if you don't mind turning that racket down.
    
    ST.JACQUES: You got it.
    
    Now if it's about my boys getting dead, Kingston St. Jacques-- Whoo! At your service. Ow!
    
    HUTCH: Well, uh... do you have any idea why these guys keep hitting your cab company-- Keep hitting Metro? There are five or six other companies in town.
    
    ST.JACQUES: No, man. I don't know. I'm just a hired hand waiting for my big break.
    
    HUTCH: Your, uh, big break?
    
    ST.JACQUES: Yeah, baby. Top 40...as in AM/FM. I am the Rasta man's answer to Wolfman Jack. Have mercy, baby! We gonna get down tonight.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    ST.JACQUES: Right on!
    
    HUTCH: I'd just like to check out your trip sheets on the two drivers who died.
    
    ST.JACQUES: You got it. Have a banana, blondie. Let's see here. Let's see. This is, uh, Clark's schedule the night he was dusted. And here's Hobson's.
    
    HUTCH: It seems like these two drivers picked up fares at the same spot.
    
    ST.JACQUES: 3rd and Main. We got a stand down there.
    
    HUTCH: The red-light district.
    
    ST.JACQUES: Pimping, porno, all-night movies.
    
    HUTCH: I picked up O'Connor's trip sheet this morning, but he never entered the pick-up location of his last fare.
    
    ST.JACQUES: You found him on Elmwood, didn't you?
    
    HUTCH: At the corner of Allen Street. And there was a buck-eighty on that meter. How far would that be in miles?
    
    ST.JACQUES: $1.80? Let's see. See, with an 80-cent flag drop and 20 cents a quarter mile, that would be a mile-and-a-quarter ride.
    
    HUTCH: A mile and a quarter. And where would 3rd and Main be from there?
    
    ST.JACQUES: Let's see. An inch and two-eighths, or a mile and a quarter.
    
    HUTCH: A mile and a quarter. That's the red-light stand again. Thanks a lot.
    
    ST.JACQUES: Look, I hope that you find this dude soon. I mean, aside from the obvious human element... half our drivers have already quit.
    
    HUTCH: You're having trouble finding new ones, huh?
    
    ST.JACQUES: Are you kidding? Man have to be a God-forsaken fool to want to sign with us right now.
    
    STARSKY: A man told me I could pick up an application here.
    
    
    **Exterior- Day - Metro Cab Co.**
    
    MCBRIDE: Hey, you're new, aren't you?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    MCBRIDE: Kind of foxy too. I'll be working downtown tonight if you get lonely, fella.
    
    STARSKY: Uh...sorry, I don't go that route.
    
    MCBRIDE: Well, at least you don't keep it in the closet like a lot of guys.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. Oh. Um, well, uh... on second thought, uh... I, uh... My name's Dave, and, uh...I am lonely.
    
    MCBRIDE: K.C., lonely boy. K.C. McBride.
    
    STARSKY: How you doing?
    
    MCBRIDE: Hi.
    
    STARSKY: Play the guitar?
    
    MCBRIDE: Honey, you are looking at Erie County's answer to Loretta Lynn.
    
    STARSKY: Gonna, you know-- A career out of country-western, huh?
    
    MCBRIDE: Yeah. But if my luck doesn't change soon, it's gonna be the oblivion express right back to South Buffalo, Lackawanna blues. Excuse me, now, I gotta boogie.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, well, how about some chow later? And we can discuss your career.
    
    MCBRIDE: Changing your politics a little there, eh, lonely boy?
    
    STARSKY: Well, don't get me wrong, you know, I--
    
    MCBRIDE: Hey, hey! I don't mind a few kinks in the road of life. (sings) Nobody loves you, Quite like you do. 
    
    HUTCH: You never heard of the energy crisis, huh?
    
    STARSKY: What did Kingston have to say?
    
    HUTCH: Well, aside from the money, O'Connor was also missing a good-luck piece.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah? What did it look like?
    
    HUTCH: It was a gold medallion with an inlay of turquoise. Here. He made a sketch of it. Interesting, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Let me look at it.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, get this. This is weird.
    
    STARSKY: Hmm?
    
    HUTCH: Not only were all the victims' cabs Metro, but they were old checker cabs like this.
    
    STARSKY: So maybe there's a lot of them here.
    
    HUTCH: Uh-uh. They only got five in a fleet of 50. You're just lucky to get one.
    
    STARSKY: It's my karma.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Here. And, uh, check out that stand at 3rd and Main as much as possible. All the cabbies picked up their last fares down there.
    
    STARSKY: Terrific. Maybe I'll get lucky and be strangled tonight.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    FITZGERALD: Just a-- Just a-- A touch more shadow, don't you think?
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, Lionel! You're playing King Lear, not Auntie Mame.
    
    FITZGERALD: Yes, but what about the...
    
    GRAMPS: Now hush up.
    
    FITZGERALD: I do appreciate your help, Gramps. You know, that makeup man down at the Savoy... he's got about as much finesse as a bloody stump.
    
    GRAMPS: There. Just a-- A hint of rouge for a rash disposition. There, Lionel, my lord. You are ready for your entrance.
    
    FITZGERALD: Not quite, Gramps.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - City Street Cab Stand**
    
    MCBRIDE: (sings) Nobody Loves Quite You Like You Do (end) Hey!
    
    STARSKY: Hmm! Oh, bravo! Hey, that was terrific.
    
    MCBRIDE: Yeah. You were snoring right on key.
    
    STARSKY: I was listening.
    
    MCBRIDE: You even missed the rain.
    
    STARSKY: What? Oh.
    
    MCBRIDE: You're a nice guy, you know that? You invite a girl out for pizza by candlelight and then you fall asleep for dessert.
    
    STARSKY: I'm sorry, K.C. Besides, I was dreaming of you.
    
    MCBRIDE: Oh! Somebody, please, get me a shovel.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, but I'm all rested up now.
    
    MCBRIDE: Yeah?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    MCBRIDE: Yeah, well, this girl's already gone.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, uh, well, what about me?
    
    MCBRIDE: Just keep your nose clean and your mind dirty.
    
    STARSKY: Oh! Hmm.
    
    DEVEEN: To the strip, my man, and I need to be there, like, yesterday.
    
    STARSKY: Look, uh, could you take the cab behind me? I'm waiting for someone.
    
    DEVEEN: Say, man, I don't care if you're waiting on the Shah of Iran. Now, I'm running late and I need to motivate.
    
    STARSKY: But there's another cab.
    
    DEVEEN: You're just wasting your time, my man.
    
    STARSKY: You're not kidding.
    
    FITZGERALD: Good evening.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Starsky's Cab**
    
    DEVEEN: Say, my man, you wanna step on it? I mean, like, I turn into a pumpkin at sunrise.
    
    STARSKY: Don't push it, chum. I've had a long night.
    
    DEVEEN: Say what? Well, now, if you're tired and run-down, I got enough recreational stimulants here for a traveling crime factory.
    
    STARSKY: Here comes the pitch.
    
    DEVEEN: Man, I got whites for that run-down feeling, and I got yellows for iron-poor blood, and I got reds to just plain get down and boogie.
    
    STARSKY: Your momma know you're doing this?
    
    DEVEEN: I got truly rude ludes. I got DMT, PCP and a virtual smorgasbord of snappers, poppers. And not to mention the Venezuelan whiff.
    
    STARSKY: I whiffed at the office.
    
    DEVEEN: And you know something, my man... with these... you could win an Olympic decathlon.
    
    STARSKY: Police, chump. You just made a sale.
    
    DEVEEN: Oh, wow, man! I was only kidding.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Alley**
    
    BENSON: You sure you wanna get out here, pop? Strange time and place to be going for a walk.
    
    FITZGERALD: "Pray do not mock me. I am a very foolish and fond old man."
    
    BENSON: What did you say?
    
    FITZGERALD: "To deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind."
    
    BENSON: What's that?
    
    FITZGERALD: Act IV, Scene VII.
    
    BENSON: Argh!
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Police Interrogation Room**
    
    DEVEEN: Man, you guys can't hold me on no lousy medallion.
    
    STARSKY: And how about impersonating a medicine cabinet with intent to sell, dummy?
    
    DEVEEN: Look, I'm cooperating as much as I can. And I tell you, I found the thing. I mean, the dude just threw it away.
    
    HUTCH: Right in front of you. And you didn't get a look at him, huh?
    
    DEVEEN: Like I said, man, he was an older dude with a long coat.
    
    STARSKY: A regular eagle eye, ain't you?
    
    DOBEY: What are you guys doing here?
    
    STARSKY: I don't know. Where would you like us to be?
    
    DOBEY: Try Elmwood and North.
    
    HUTCH: Number four?
    
    DOBEY: They just found the body.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Alley**
    
    STARSKY: I seen him around Metro, I think. The name's Benson.
    
    BAKER: Joseph Riley Benson, sir. 43 years of age.
    
    STARSKY: Baker, how come you're always first on the scene?
    
    BAKER: Just lucky, I guess. Here's his trip sheet. And I found this map in the glove compartment.
    
    STARSKY: What does the trip sheet say?
    
    HUTCH: Same as the others. 3rd and Main.
    
    STARSKY: I was working there last night.
    
    HUTCH: Four deaths in four identical cabs. What is it with these things? 
    
    STARSKY: I don't know. Maybe the guy doesn't dig the styling.
    
    HUTCH: And why is it always the same cab stand?
    
    STARSKY: Well, maybe something happened down there-- Something the guy doesn't like. Enough to kill for, maybe. Hmm. 
    
    HUTCH: What you got?
    
    STARSKY: It's a report of an accident Joseph Benson was in. The cab company makes you fill these things out every night you come in with a dent in your fender.
    
    HUTCH: What did he hit?
    
    STARSKY: According to this, a dog.
    
    HUTCH: A dog?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, and the mechanic says, "Minor damage to right front fender, traces of blood."
    
    HUTCH: So, what's the big deal?
    
    STARSKY: Well, aside from the fact this thing's dated over two years ago, these accident reports are usually the confidential property of the cab company.
    
    HUTCH: Why'd Benson have it?
    
    STARSKY: Why don't we go ask our local DJ? 
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Metro Cab Co.**
    
    ST.JACQUES: Someone broke in to it yesterday while I was out. No, thank you. I got a bunch of them.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe Benson was trying to clean his record.
    
    ST.JACQUES: If he was, there's a whole lot of them that he missed.
    
    HUTCH: He was in other accidents?
    
    ST.JACQUES: Benson? He was always hitting something. Especially the bottle.
    
    STARSKY: I'm gonna check his locker. You got the key?
    
    ST.JACQUES: Yes, sir, I do. Officer. Number 19. Man, they let anyone on the force these days.
    
    HUTCH: Tell me about it. You were working the night of that accident, right?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    CABBIE: (on radio) Cab 24, free at the airport.
    
    ST.JACQUES: Well, uh, sit tight 'cause it's all right. A convention of dental technicians coming in tonight. (end) Yeah. I was working that night, but it was no big thing. As I remember, Benson pulled in around 6 in the morning, semi-wasted. Said that he hit a dog or something.
    
    STARSKY: Benson hit something that night, but it wasn't a dog.
    
    HUTCH: What do you got?
    
    STARSKY: Found this in his locker. Dated two years ago. Same day as the report.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Hutch's Car**
    
    STARSKY: (on radio) Zebra 3.
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: Records show one Lionel Fitzgerald left County General last month but left no forwarding address.
    
    STARSKY: Does he have any relatives?
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: A grandfather of the same name at 1427 Lennox.
    
    HUTCH: That's near where we found that medallion.
    
    SARSKY: Zebra 3 on call to 1427 Lennox.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    FITZGERALD: We're gonna have to finish this a little later on, Gramps.
    
    GRAMPS: Whatever happened to good manners?
    
    STARSKY: Mr. Fitzgerald?
    
    GRAMPS: Who is asking?
    
    STARSKY: Police.
    
    GRAMPS: You have proof of that? Very well. So you're a hero. Now, what is it you want?
    
    HUTCH: We're looking for your grandson.
    
    GRAMPS: If you find him, let me know. I've not entertained the bloody rake in over two weeks.
    
    STARSKY: You live here by yourself?
    
    GRAMPS: Old and neglected, while my grandson has set himself up in grand style at the Ambassador Hotel. Well, what is it you want, gentlemen? What do you want to know?
    
    STARSKY: We'd like to question your grandson about some murders.
    
    GRAMPS: Lionel? Why, Lionel is one of the gentlest, mildest souls that ever lived, besides being one of our finest young actors.
    
    HUTCH: I thought his career in the theater was finished.
    
    GRAMPS: Oh, no, no. As a matter of fact, Lionel is a-- If you want to snoop around like a basset hound, you'd best provide a search warrant in Braille.
    
    HUTCH: Well, there's no need to get violent, Mr. Fitzgerald.
    
    GRAMPS: Gentlemen, you'll excuse me if I don't show you to the door.
    
    STARSKY: What theater did you say Lionel was playing at?
    
    GRAMPS: The Savoy. And he's an absolute smash.
    
    HUTCH: Mr. Fitzgerald, the Savoy has been closed for over a year.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    STARSKY: You think the old man's on the level?
    
    HUTCH: Not about living alone, he's not.
    
    STARSKY: How's that?
    
    HUTCH: Well, he says he's blind. He's got the morning paper sitting on his table.
    
    STARSKY: Well, why don't we go to the Ambassador to check out Fitzgerald III?
    
    HUTCH: I'll check it out. You're going back in the cab business.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    FITZGERALD: You were absolutely splendid, Gramps. Thanks, Gramps.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    GRAMPS: You lied to me, Lionel. The Savoy Theater has been dark for over a year. Where have you been going all these nights?
    
    FITZGERALD: To the movies. There are theaters that show them all the way to dawn. Dreadful pictures mostly. But at least it's a refuge for the misfits, the deserted,  the crippled.
    
    GRAMPS: Lionel. Lionel. Where are you going? Why are you all dressed up like this?
    
    FITZGERALD: Please, Gramps, let me go.
    
    GRAMPS: No, don't leave. I won't let you. I'll call the police.
    
    FITZGERALD: You will not call the police, Gramps.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - City Street Cab Stand**
    
    STARSKY: Argh!
    
    HUTCH: Hiya. How you doing?
    
    STARSKY: Dreaming I was somewhere else 'til you came along. Oh, what time is it?
    
    HUTCH: It's 5:00. Where you going?
    
    STARSKY: I am heading for a nervous breakdown if I don't get some shuteye. And don't try to call me 'cause it'll be off the hook.
    
    FITZGERALD: Could you give an old lady a lift?
    
    STARSKY: Oh. Oh, I was just finished for the night.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, but I'm sure he'd be very happy to take you anywhere you'd like to go, ma'am.
    
    FITZGERALD: Why, thank you both.
    
    HUTCH: Where would you be without me, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Home.
    
    HUTCH: Don't run into anything.
    
    FITZGERALD: Could you drive through the park? I'd like to see the sun rise... through the trees.
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
    
    GRAMPS: Help! Help! Let me out! Help! Help! Let me out! Help! Help! Let me out! Is that you, Lionel? Lionel! You let me out of here. Open up this door. Lionel! Oh, Lionel! Lionel!
    
    HUTCH: Where's your son?
    
    GRAMPS: Who are you?
    
    HUTCH: Police. Where's your grandson?
    
    GRAMPS: I don't know. You've got to do something. He's gone out.
    
    HUTCH: Old man, where is he?
    
    GRAMPS: I don't know. You've got to stop him. Now, let me out! You've got to stop him. He's gone out!
    
    HUTCH: Calm down! Calm down!
    
    GRAMPS: I tried to stop him!
    
    HUTCH: Just sit down and calm down! All right, now where's he gone? Did he tell you anything?
    
    GRAMPS: No. Nothing. Only, he was gonna go out and make 'em all pay. And then he put on some kind of crazy costume.
     
    HUTCH: What? He put on a costume? What costume?
    
    GRAMPS: I don't know. A wig and a silk dress and a fox fur thrown over his shoulders like an old lady.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Starsky's Cab**
    
    STARSKY: That's the third time around the park, ma'am. The meter's into double figures.
    
    FITZGERALD: Well, I suppose that's enough. Could you drop me at Pine and Lincoln?
    
    STARSKY: (on radio) Cab number 9. Blue to Lincoln and Pine.
    
    KINGSTON: I read you, 9, at Lincoln and Pine. (end)
    
    FITZGERALD: Young man, do you mind turning off your radio? It's awfully harsh on one's ears. Thank you.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Fitzgerald's Apartment**
     
    HUTCH: (on radio) Starsky. Starsky, do you read me? Starsky, come in! Zebra 3 to control. Zebra 3 to control!
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: Come in, Zebra 3.
    
    HUTCH: Request immediate contact with the dispatcher from Metro- Forget it.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - McBride's Cab**
    
    MCBRIDE: Whoa! Hey, honey. All you had to do was whistle. What--?
    
    HUTCH: (on radio) Kingston.
    
    MCBRIDE: Hey, partner, I don't know what your problem is!
    
    HUTCH: (on radio) Damn it, Kingston! Come in!
    
    KINGSTON: Who beckons me so frantically?
    
    HUTCH: Look, Kingston, cut the jive, will you? This is Hutchinson. Get ahold of Starsky. I think he's picked up the killer.
    
    KINGSTON: Right! (end)
    
    MCBRIDE: Dave did?
    
    HUTCH: What are you doing?
    
    MCBRIDE: Can't just sit here! 
    
    KINGSTON: (on radio) Calling Number 9. Come on, Number 9. Talk to me, baby. He doesn't answer, Sarge. But the last time he called, he was headed for Lincoln and Pine.
    
    HUTCH: We're on our way. (end)
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Starsky's Cab**
    
    FITZGERALD: "I 'gin to be weary of the sun. And wish the estate of the world were now undone. Life! Yes! A tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!"  
    
    **Exterior - Day - Alley**
    
    STARSKY: Listen...Lionel... I'm a cop.
    
    FITZGERALD: Oh?
    
    STARSKY: You don't have to kill anymore. The man who messed you up is already dead. You've got to stop killing.  
    
    FITZGERALD: Don't you understand? I could have been an Olivier. A Barrymore. A Keane. I brought the house down that night! They all said so! Now this is my stage! 
    
    STARSKY: This is not a stage! This is a dirty back alley! And what you're in is a play, and it's called life!
    
    FITZGERALD: Life? "A tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
    
    HUTCH: Down the alley!
    
    STARSKY: What took you so long?
    
    HUTCH: We stopped for ice cream. Are you okay?
    
    STARSKY: I'll make it, butI don't know about him.
    
    FITZGERALD: Oh, God. God. "How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable seem to me all the uses of this world."
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Metro Cab Co.**
    
    KINGSTON: (on microphone) It's bye to the cab business and hello to the fab business. 'Cause there's no business like show business. (end)
    
    HUTCH: Kingston, I can't believe you got a job as a DJ.
    
    KINGSTON: Better than that, baby. What you're looking at is an exclusive manager of a soon-to-be major artiste.
    
    MCBRIDE: Tell 'em who the artiste is, Kingston.
    
    KINGSTON: Excuse me. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce for your listening pleasure that Duchess of Down-home. That incomparable K.C. McBride.
    
    MCBRIDE: (sings) Nobody loves you, Quite like you do. 
    
    HUTCH: Ah, Kingston, you know, you're one of those island rockers. She's a country and western singer.
    
    KINGSTON: We got country and western in the islands too, except we call it jungle western.
    
    MCBRIDE: And we got us a producer, too. I put an ad in Variety and within hours this guy called and said he wanted to produce me. 
    
    KINGSTON: In fact, he's supposed to be meeting us here any minute now.
    
    STARSKY: Wait a second. Now this guy's a stranger. I mean, how do you know he's on the level?
    
    MCBRIDE: Well, he was born in a dressing room in the Grand Ole Opry. You can't get any more genuine than that.
    
    KINGSTON: And he's had so many hit records,  he couldn't even begin to name them.
    
    MCBRIDE: I figure he's hardcore country with a name like Buck "The Panhandle" Bear.
    
    HUGGY: Mercy, faith, good buddy. Did I hear somebody call my name?
    
    STARSKY: (sings) Nobody loves you Like you do. 
    
    END
    
    
    Nobody Loves You Quite Like You Do
    Written and performed by Lynn Marta
    
    You see
    Every golden hair in place 
    
    Your shiny
    White-capped teeth 
    
    You're leavin' me
    One more time 
    
    For a night out
    On the town 
    
    Thinkin'
    I'll be waitin' here 
    
    When you come
    Back around 
    
    Nobody loves you
    Quite like you do 
    
    Even though you think 
    The whole world cares 
    
    Nobody loves you
    Quite like you do 
    
    Ah, but one day
    You'll see 
    
    You really needed me
    
    But I won't be
    Around you 
    Anywhere 
    


End file.
